Keluarga Ujang

Ujang sedang di interview di sebuah syarikat :

Pegawai : Nama saudara siapa ?
Ujang : “ Ujang…”

Pegawai : “Cuba ceritakan tentang keluarga saudara !!…
Ujang : “Saya 2 beradik.. adik saya masih belajar di Kampung.. Orang Tua saya tinggal orang negeri sembilan.. Nenek dan Datok saya dari belah ayah tinggal di Perlis… Nenek dan Datuk dari belah Ibu pula tinggal di Melaka.. , tapi datok saya dah meninggal..,Bapak saudara dan mak saudara semua tinggal di Melaka..
Pegawai : “Apakan saudara boleh berbahasa inggeris ?
Ujang : “Yes .. i am … “
Pegawai : “now tell me about your family in English !!… “
Ujang : “Sorry sir .. i don’t have family in English … they’re all living in Malaysia”

sumber : Internet

Orang Teganu Cakap KeyEll

Sumber : facebook

Inggeriskan KENTUT

Adin : Kentut dalam Bahasa Inggeris apa cikgu?

Cikgu : Wind of change.

Adin : Kentut yang tidak bunyi?

Cikgu : Sound of silence.

Adin : Kentut yang tak disengaja?

Cikgu : Careless whisper.

Adin : Kentut yang terhimpit?

Cikgu: Please release me.

Adin : Kentut yang bau sangat?

Cikgu : Killing me softly.

Adin : Kentut di malam hari?

Guru : Wonderfull tonight.

Adin : Orang yang sering kentut?

Cikgu: No body but you.

Sumber : Internet

Hadiah untuk Pengantin

hari ni masih ada kenduri kahwin, ye lah cuti sekolah. dalam nak meraikan pengantin baru, kita semestinya membawa hadiah untuk mereka. 

tapi dalam pengalaman aku dan hampir semua pengantin, rata2 bawa set cawan,pinggan mangkuk, album, barang letrik. cubalah kali ni kita kurangkan beban pengantin degan beri hadiah yang bermanafaat seperti dibawah.

sumber gambar : internet

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untuk pelbagai baranga menarik dan MURAH, layari....

www.facebook.com/faizashoppe

Hantaran Paling Berguna

Sekarang ni memang musim cuti sekolah dan bermakna cuti kahwin semalaysia juga. mana2 kita lalu dan dengar, ramai benor pasangan yang berkahwin. dan mungkin ramai juga antara kita menghadirinya.

dalam meraikan pengantin, kita juga suka tengok apakah hantaran yang dibawa oleh pengantin lelai dan perempuan. hantaran paling biasa selain tepak sirih/sirih junjung/pulut semangat ialah kosmetik, kasut, sejadah/al quran. tapi sebab dunia dah moden, ada juga yang nak ikut zaman dengan hadiahkan ipad, blackberry, kunci kereta/rumah, psp dan sebagainya.

semua tu bagus, tapi alangkah baiknya jika hadiah itu boleh digunakan oleh pasangan yang diraikan. aku sangat suka hadiah seperti dibawah ni. terkentut2 aku melihatnya. tapi aku setuju ianya practikal dan sangat baguss. lepas akad nikah ni dah boleh sambung kerja kat bengkel. pengantin lelakinya tu mekanik rasanya.

sumber gambar : internet

Bank Manager is smarter than a Robber

There was this robbery in Guangzhou , the robber shouted to everyone: "All don't move, money belongs to the state, life belongs to you".

Everyone in the bank laid down quietly.

This is called "Mind Changing Concept --> Changing the conventional way of thinking".
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One lady lay on the table provocatively, the robber shouted at her "Please be civilised! This is a robbery and not a rape!"

This is called "Being Professional --> Focus only on what you are trained to do!"
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When the robbers got back, the younger robber (MBA trained) told the older robber (who is only primary school educated), "Big bro, let's count how much we got", the older robber rebutted and said, "You very stupid, so much money, how to count, tonight TV will tell us how much we robbed from the bank!"

This is called "Experience --> nowadays experience is more important than paper qualifications!"
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After the robbers left, the bank manager told the bank supervisor to call the police quickly. The supervisor says "Wait, wait wait, let's put the 5 million RMB we embezzled into the amount the robbers robbed".

This is called "Swim with the tide --> converting an unfavorable situation to your advantage!"
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The supervisor says "It will be good if there is a robbery every month".

This is called "Killing Boredom --> Happiness is most important."
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The next day, TV news reported that 100 million RMB was taken from the bank. The robbers counted and counted and counted, but they could only count 20 million RMB. The robbers were very angry and complained "We risked our lives and only took 20 million RMB, the bank manager took 80 million RMB with a snap of his fingers. It looks like it is better to be educated to be a thief!"

This is called "Knowledge is worth as much as gold !"
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The bank manager was smiling and happy because his loss in the CINOPEC shares are now covered by this robbery.

This is called "Seizing the opportunity --> daring to take risks!"

sumber lawak : internet

Terkentut Tengok Harga

Dekat satu kedai emas, ade Seorang lelaki terkentut ketika menonggeng melihat cincin (utk dihadiahkan kpd buah hatinya yg tersayang).

Dia tersipu-sipu malu dan melihat sekeliling dan perasan ada promoter dekat belakangnye..

promoter tu tanya la 'boleh saya bantu?'

lelaki tu anggap promoter itu tak dengar la yang dia kentut jadi dia jawab "berapa harga cincin ini?'

promoter: "kalau tengok pun encik boleh terkentut, saya pasti encik akan terberak bila tau harganya" ..

sumber lawak : internet